This past Friday as our country prepared to honor and
mourn the lives lost at Sandy Hook one year a go, another school shooting
occurred at Arapahoe High School in Colorado, leaving one 17-year old girl in
critical condition. As if the usual worries of sex, drugs, and driving weren’t
enough, parents today also have bullying, violent video games, guns and school
shootings to worry about. Like many other parents today, this reality breaks my
heart and makes it just a little harder to sleep at night, just a little hard
to send our kids off to school and just a little harder to find the balance.
Friday December 14th 2012 was a day I am not
sure I will ever forget. A day of incomprehensible horror and loss and a day in
which my fear grew as a parent along with the uncomfortable reality that there
is only so much I can do to protect my child. On that very day, now one year a
go, my parenting perceptions and ideals were hastily challenged and changed.
This past Saturday was the 1st Day of Remembrance since the Sandy
Hook Elementary School Massacre last year, which left 20 little children and 6
adults dead and parents around the country shaken with loss, sadness and fear. Some
of us couldn’t sleep at night. Some of us made headway in our school districts
in regards to security. Some moms decided to homeschool! And some of us simply
made changes in the way we parent our kids as we realized yet again the
fragility and the gift of life. However we reacted, we all gained new
perspective as a parent that day and many of us have been forever changed by
the tragedy. This piece is a collective reflection of our parenting in the year
post Sandy Hook.
I spoke with several moms across the country about their
experience of Sandy Hook and the ways in which it has changed them. Amanda (mom
of three, Dallas) shares: “That shooting was the turning point for me as far as
my son and toy guns….I will not encourage that type of pretend (play)…by giving
him toy guns”. Michelle (Michigan mom) says the massacre reminded her that she
cannot keep her children safe alone and that it is “incumbent upon all of us to
rear happy, healthy, loving children so that they may become those types of
young adults and protect each other”. Jennifer (Arizona mom) shares “it was
incredibly heartbreaking for me as (my son) is about the age group of most of
the kids who died. The event reinforced my decision to homeschool even more.
There’s too much violence in schools and especially public schools”. Yael (mom
of two, Dallas) nearly shed tears as we spoke about Sandy Hook’s impact now almost
one year to the day later. She too was shaken to the core and no longer sweats
the small stuff with her kids in the middle of the night and otherwise. Amy (mom
of two, Michigan) says she couldn’t wait for her kids to get home that day and
was scared to send them to school the next day, “even though I feel we live in
a safe area”. Amy’s school district made immediate changes to security, which
made her feel safer. Kristen (mom of two, Texas) also shared that her kids’
school made rapid changes to security that allowed her to feel safer “knowing
the schools are trying to protect my precious kids,” amidst the sadness and
fear. Michelle (California mom) was “horrified” and “scared about the adequacy
of our school security systems….makes me want to teach (him) survival skills…to
trust his instincts….and to get him outdoors more and teach him to run
fast!”
As we remember, mourn and honor the lives of those
precious children lost just one year a go, I invite you to look at the ways in
which this tragedy has impacted you, your parenting and your family. What
future do you envision for your child and what can you do to support that?
Please share with us!
Galit Birk, PhD is a PCI Certified Parent Coach® who walks
folks through parenting with wisdom and grace in her private practice CORE Parent Coaching.
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